Meow :: The Risk Taker
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Meow :: The Risk Taker

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Trying to let go of external validation

Trying to let go of external validation

It is known that Filipinos are dark-haired mostly black, shiny straight hair. When I was younger, I have been a source of ridicule and teased as a witch because of my unruly curly hair before (but I've already learned how to manage it now. Haha!). Curly hair is not a normal thing here. People mostly want a straight hair so they go to salon every three months for their hair to get rebonded. I also used to straighten my hair just to fit right in. I did things just to get positive validation from other people. It was a need, a must. I need them to constantly remind me of my worth and value. Because, sadly, I couldn't give it to myself.

So you must think that being curly was the main "problem" here? No. There's worser. Getting a hair color. Most especially if it's blond. People here automatically categorize those who have artificial blond hair as a slut, a call girl, or any words associated with that. I want to have a blond hair just for experience's sake but their opinions seemed to have tamed me in the corner for a long time.

Somehow, I woke up one day suddenly having the courage to do things the way I want. Not for them, but for myself. I hurriedly went to the nearest salon to get a hair color because I was worried I might back out if I won't hurry up. Lol! And, tadah! I did it! I actually did it! And I love it! So what if they think that I'm a slut or something worse, at least I'm feeling pretty! Hahahahahaha! If I haven't done this, I would not feel this strange happiness, excitement and contentment all at the same time.

It feels like a lot of thorns have been lifted off my chest. It's great to have this kind of freedom. Freedom from toxic people who almost succeeded in ruining my whole self-esteem. This is a first big step on my journey towards embracing internal validation.

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